Does the sight of a certain co-worker make your blood pressure rise? Does the sound of her footsteps make you want to hide under the backpacks in your coatroom? You are not alone. Every school has them, and they strike fear in the hearts of frustrated teachers every day: DIFFICULT TEACHER CO-WORKERS.
This is all too common. Whether they are strong-willed, bossy, non-committal and unhelpful, rude, selfish, abrasive, or have an equally unbearable trait, we are forced to work side-by-side with some people we’d rather just put on a one-way plane to Antarctica, well, not. Alas, since we teachers are not included in hiring and firing decisions, we must make the best of some icky and awkward situations at times.
But, there is hope! Don’t quit your job just yet over a straight-up cray cray difficult co-worker. Try these tips, and hopefully, they will help you make it through the year with your sanity intact.
Win her over!
Relationships mean everything, and as overwhelming as it may seem, making an effort to connect with your difficult co-worker can pay dividends in the future. Offer to bring him/her coffee one morning, or ask what their favorite fountain drink is, and treat them to one. A little gesture can show that you care, and will help to open lines of communication.
Set boundaries!
Early in my teaching career, one of my lead teachers would want our team to have loooooooong planning sessions, for hours after school weekly. She could be overbearing and bossy, and it really wore on me emotionally. I had to learn to say, “I have to leave by 4:45 pm,” and stick with it, even when it would be awkward to leave. Becoming more firm on my time boundaries helped inspire others on my team as well.
Smile, nod, and close the door!
Over-helpful teachers can often give unwanted or unsolicited advice. They mean well, but it can feel a bit condescending. While some advice is great, other advice… not so much. Since no teacher wants to make enemies in the building, or seem ungrateful to veteran teachers who are trying to help, the best thing to do is: smile, nod, and close your door, then teach the way you know is right for your students. No one in the building will know the needs, interests, and learning styles of your students like you, so trust your instincts and take all the advice with a grain of salt. Then, close the door and teach your heart out.
Have the tough conversation!
When all else fails, it’s time to have a hard conversation. If that difficult co-worker is hindering learning, dividing your team, or causing problems often, it must be addressed. With the support of other teammates (if possible), meet with your difficult co-worker and lay out your concerns. Use “I feel” language, and try to be as positive and non-accusatory as possible. It will be awkward, difficult, and possibly even emotional, but if progress will be made, it’s worth it.
Keep the problem within your team!
Although it might be tempting to vent to friends and colleagues throughout the building, it’s very important to keep the problem close to the chest, and not gossip or talk about your difficult co-worker around the building. There’s a few reasons why this is important:
- If word gets back to your difficult co-worker, your relationship will become even more tense, and he/she will probably become even more difficult.
- Current and future members of your grade level team need to know they can trust you, when things are good AND when they are not-so-good.
- Your administrator may lose respect for you if he/she sees you as a building gossip.
Get your administrator involved!
When nothing else has worked, and you’ve tried to make inroads with that difficult co-worker to no avail, it’s time to get your administrator involved. Let him/her know how you’ve tried to reach out to your co-worker, and that coming to him/her is your last resort. Ideally, your administrator will be able to take steps you cannot, even disciplinary action, if warranted.
Healthy relationships within a grade-level team and school staff are paramount for a positive school climate. The good news is that today’s difficult co-workers could become teacher besties in the future, if the right steps and actions are taken to build inroads and connect.
